Tenacious Travellers is an interview series with the fascinating people I have met around the world. My life is better because of them and I want to help you get to know them too. The world is big, but having friends in every country makes it all feel like home.
I met Chris at a hostel bar in Milan. I instantly hated him because he interrupted my very promising flirtation with a handsome bartender. Fast forward 36 hours and, thanks to the cruel tricks of the universe, I was spending an entire day in Venice with him (Chris, not the bartender).
There were moments I considered pushing him into a canal (his backpack would have surely made him sink right to the bottom… ) But as we sat on a park bench drinking cheap wine from the bottle and eating grapes out of a plastic bag, I had to admit: this guy is okay. In fact, he’s pretty great. Without further ado, let me introduce you to my clever and talented friend, Mr. Chris Pordon.
Tell us a bit about yourself – what are you known for?
The radio voice always comes up first. I can be rather outgoing, so I’ve met a lot of people, especially in the course of my solo travels. With all those hellos, it’s made for quite a sample size. I’d venture that 2 out of 3 people I meet will tell me I sound like I’m about to cut to commercial after I finish with the traffic and weather at the top of the hour.
[Editor’s note: We can confirm this is all true]
What’s something most people don’t know about you but you wish they did?
In spite of my own casual agnosticism, I respect most institutions of religion. I think faith can help people find their way through the darkness and it’s something that runs deep with people. I don’t take photos inside holy sites or places of worship. They shouldn’t be treated as tourist attractions. They are places for quiet reflection and we should respect that.
The truth is that is all an attempt at atonement since the time I knocked over a nun in St. Peter’s Square so that I could sneak past the Pontifical Swiss Guard and watch a closed-to-the-public Easter Mass with the Pope.
You’ve travelled extensively. What’s your favourite place?
I could spend the rest of my life sitting by the sea in Greece, sipping ouzo and devouring grilled meats, surrounded by laughter and bouzouki and cigarette smoke. The rich and troubled histories and converging cultures in Israel and Turkey will always draw me back. A night out in Seville filled with tapas and sangria and flamenco. It’s a vast and beautiful world, and many of my best experiences have been far off the beaten path. I think the problem I share with a lot of compulsive travellers is that my favorite place is wherever I’m heading tomorrow. I don’t think we have a word for that condition in English. I’m sure the Germans do.
What is the first thing you think about when you wake up in the morning?
What time does the hostel breakfast end? Have I missed it again? Is time linear or cyclical?
If you could time travel, when and where would you go?
Probably to right before that time in third grade when I called the teacher mom.
You’ve just won $1,000,000 – what do you do?
With that much money I could get a few college textbooks and have enough left over for a small coffee.
Realistically, index funds and travel to places with weak internet, which are otherwise off limits to a “digital nomad” – the most pretentious thing I’ve ever called myself, other than handsome. But they’re both true.
What accomplishment are you most proud of?
I cried a little when I became a United States Marine. I cried more later because then they made me keep doing it for years.
What is your biggest regret?
I’ve left some things unsaid to people who aren’t walking around above ground anymore. I focus more on candor and openness in my relationships now. We all deserve that from each other, I think.
Do you have a favourite quote? What about least favourite?
My favourite is from Thucydides, the Athenian historian who wrote the History of the Peloponnesian War. He said, “The secret of happiness is freedom, the secret of freedom is courage.” That was 2,400 years ago.
My least favourite is probably anything I wrote more than a week ago.
[Editor’s note: Opportune moment to introduce you to Chris’s blog. Despite his claims, he is a talented writer and brilliant storyteller]
Tell us about your writing setup – where you go, how you get in your zone?
I like crowded coffee shops. The cacophony of bluetooth-shouters and espresso machines and awkward job interviews and that same Nora Jones album – I can tune all that out. If I sit in a quiet room, the low hum of the ageing lighting fixture will drive me to madness.
My most effective zone for getting work done is “last minute panic”. I don’t work well without deadlines. I’ll start a project, drop it, start something else, pick it up later. I write for myself, so it still fulfils the therapeutic intent of the endeavour.
What is the weirdest thing you have done in someone else’s home?
I was once invited to a Bahá’í “spiritual feast” in the home of a billionaire Wall Street banker. They said some prayers that were rather unfamiliar to me and then we played basketball on his full-size indoor court.
If you could pick a new name, what would it be?
Mr. Mila Kunis. Is that how that works?
What’s your favourite book?
Always a difficult question. Anything by Ernest Hemingway, except The Old Man and the Sea.
What is the dumbest way you’ve been injured?
Hit by a car while jogging at age 18 because I was distracted by a friendly dog. He’s still a good boy. They all are.
What movie scarred you for life as a child?
I watched most of the OJ Simpson trial and then afterward I found out that it was all real.
If you could make a rule for a day and everyone had to follow it, what would it be?
When someone holds a door open for you, give a little hustle, place your hand on the door as an acknowledgement, and say thank you. This isn’t my job, you entitled brats. Guess what? Now, you’re going to jail.
Stand on the right on the escalator (already a rule in England, punishable by aggressive tutting). Can’t be bothered to move aside? For this one glorious day – jail.
Maybe take off your jacket and find your reading glasses before you get to your row, so the 300 people behind can continuing boarding the damn aircraft. We’re standing on the runway in a hurricane, Sharon. Straight to jail.
Chewing with your mouth open? That’s right. Jail.
I’d also borrow one from the days of college drinking games: the Ke$ha rule rule. You have to repeat the last word you say say. That one would just be for fun, so everyone could still have a laugh while they’re rotting in jail jail.
If you could know ahead of time the exact day you will die, would you want to know?
We always hold knowledge to be some invaluable currency and its acquisition the most important pursuit of our lives, yet most people answer this question in the negative. That’s because uncertainty about the future, about our own mortality especially, is what makes life interesting, and we know that. Anyway, I always just assume my number’s up today.
What’s harder: telling someone you love them or telling them you don’t?
Definitely the latter. Come on – we tell everyone we love them. Cute dogs, pretty girls on the street, bartenders with a heavy pour. Certainly romantic partners. It feels good to express a topshelf emotion, no matter how hyperbolic. “That meal was breathtaking.” No, it wasn’t. You’re breathing fine. It bespeaks a laziness with our language. Better to tell the golden retriever that you adore him, or the pretty girl that she made your day, or the bartender that he is a consummate professional.
You’re a very talented writer. What advice do you have for aspiring writers?
Savi Sharma said, “Everyone has a story to tell. Everyone is a writer, some are written in the books and some are confined to hearts.” Maybe the most important component really is as simple as figuring out what kind of story you want to tell and then telling it in an authentic voice that speaks to who you are.
What do you want to be when you grow up?
I do admire relentless ambition, but more than anything, I just want to do what makes me happy. For many of us, that’s a moving target.
Chris somehow seems to find himself in the midst of more excitement on a daily basis than most people experience in a year. Check out his blog, Bored While Travelling, for humorous and enlightening stories of his adventures (probably better described as misadventures).
